Most stories and anime only take place during a small portion of the characters life. It would be boring to watch a 1000 episode series about some baby that grows to be an old man... Write about the most interesting part of your characters life, or at least make it the most interesting part.
Even though an anime like Death Note only took place for a month then skipped a few years and took place for a few more weeks, it, at least for me, it felt like Death Note took place over years of time.. like L has been doing detective work longer than I have been a live....
isn't that what you want your story to be like? Feels like years... Not boring years.... exciting and awesome years?
add some history to your story, your character not only needs to go through the events but at some point their past needs to be referred to... keeps the reader interested... it could be as simple as, "I think we've met before!" or as complex as, "That man was the same man that killed my father" adding some history to your story really helps make it seem like a bigger story.... even if it only revolves around a few characters in a tiny setting, it can still feel like a big experience....
In full metal alchemist Edward's history, his father and his house burning aren't the first thing that happens in the story, it may be where the story starts, but that's not where it actually starts, the story seems to start while they are in the middle, though it seems like it started at the beginning..... then refers to the pas as it goes on... a genius method if you ask me....
...add some history if you want...
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Chapter 1?
after millions of re-edits I finally have the guts to say this "probably" is the final edit of my first chapter of my story... and I'd like to proudly present the NON-BORING edition!
(c) 2010 Andrew T. All Rights Reserved. Via Legal Zoom!
If one's voice is not heard, has a word ever been spoken?
Chapter 1
- Beginning to an End
- Beginning to an End
The sun filtered through the window. His left hand thumbed at his lip while his right played with the warm, sun bleached carpet. As he outside, glistening waters and beautiful scenery appeared. The sand was hot and bright in the mid-day sun and the palm tree cast an inviting shadow that cooled the sand to ice. There were people playing and laughing. The boy smiled brightly as he stood up and looked at the shady tree...
He forced open his eyes and the trees faded away, the warmth settled down, and he was now staring at a lonely patio and a filthy, crumbling brick wall... He held tightly to one of the fibers he pulled from the carpet. He slowly loosened his grip and let it slip from his fingers. It splashed into an ocean of carpet and sunk deep between the fibers. An image of a bright, glistening ocean appeared before the carpet but the boy tried to hold back. He looked up and clenched his fists till his fingernails dug in. He spoke quietly him self, "I can't do this any more! It's time to grow up, it's time to start living in the real world!" and this young boy's name was Long...
6 years later....
"why does it always seem like the memories of old... were the best we've ever had?"
He forced open his eyes and the trees faded away, the warmth settled down, and he was now staring at a lonely patio and a filthy, crumbling brick wall... He held tightly to one of the fibers he pulled from the carpet. He slowly loosened his grip and let it slip from his fingers. It splashed into an ocean of carpet and sunk deep between the fibers. An image of a bright, glistening ocean appeared before the carpet but the boy tried to hold back. He looked up and clenched his fists till his fingernails dug in. He spoke quietly him self, "I can't do this any more! It's time to grow up, it's time to start living in the real world!" and this young boy's name was Long...
6 years later....
"why does it always seem like the memories of old... were the best we've ever had?"
"Look at this place, it's covered in trash!"
"Tell me something I don't know..."
Long was sitting at the table with Matthew who was eating chips and Andrew who ate chocolates. He looked around campus, all he saw was trash and students.
"You hear about what happened last night?" Long asked as Mark sat down. "At the slum town a man spent the day stacking boxes until he made a tower. During the moon festival he climbed to the top and jumped off. He died and the festival continued without him..."
Mark put his hand against his face, "Do you have any good news?" He sighed.
"Well yesterday my little brother Luke finally got hired!" Luke had just sat down at the table.
"I heard no one cleaned the body yet." Luke said.
Mark sighed, "How many suicides happened in the past week, three?"
"I think three maybe four." Matthew said.
"Let's just talk about something else.."
Luke took a deep breath, "Even I was surprised when I first found out the store could actually afford to hire me."
"It's because that store has beer!" Mark started laughing, "The rich and poor people will always have one thing in common, a love for beer!"
"We've been saving up our money! When we get enough, then we can finally leave this trash ridden toilet, worthless giant piece of annoying shi--"
"Okay we get it!" Mark started laughing, "I feel the same way about this horrible town..."
Matt added, "We apply for work every week but we never get hired, Luke was lucky enough!"
"There's nothing much we can do..." Mark said. He gazed out upon a crowd of people talking and laughing. "What do you suppose their talking so happily about?"
"I heard in the other towns they have shiny buildings where the glass isn't broken and where the streets are clean. I want to go there." Long said.
"Hey you guys hear about the new kid?" Luke asked.
"The new kid?"
"Yeah, they say he wears ripped up clothes and torn up shoes but his secret is that he lives in the Land Lord Mansions! And best of all he goes here! This school!"
"I heard about him too!" Matt said, "They say he has more money than everyone in this town combined!"
"I'd sure like to meet this kid." Mark said rubbing his head. "Maybe then we could actually afford dinner every night!"
"I'm sure we'd all like to meet him!"
The lunch bell rang, the commotion of the crowd grew, and the passing hustle and bustle filled the air. Long turned around, "I..." He stopped as he noticed the only friend left at the table was Mark... "I had an idea...." Long said looking down.
Mark smiled as he got up, "I want to meet this kid!" And they both left for their classes.
The bombastic eyes of Andrew stared, he was still sitting at the table and for the first time he spoke, "What just happened? Was I day dreaming again?" He finally realized no one was sitting at the table. The surrounding crowd slowly started to shrink until all that remained were mountains and mountains of trash....
Friday, June 25, 2010
Writing Interestingly!
Yes everybody thinks their story is interesting, but believe me, just because you like it.... well of course you like it you writer it. Unless your one of those people who hate everything they do.... my self included.
WRITING INTERESTINGLY>>>
Here's the deal, someone just picked up your book, the first chapter of your book explains everything and sets the reader up for the rest of the story! you know what I think of that? BORING!!!
The first chapter or first few chapters IS NOT supposed to set up the story, in fact usually in most anim/manga/stories/books the reader is thrown right in the middle of something without being informed of any thing about it, they must keep watching/reading to find out what the heck is going on, so in a sense the first chapter shouldn't set up the entire story in a nice little box, rather the entire book should slowly put pieces around the frame until you have a complete story....
because honestly, once the reader knows the complete setting, everything about the characters and their lives, the characters future doesn't seem so interesting any more.... and that's what most NOOB writers think, That "The reader's going to keep reading to find out what happens next..." No in fact usually they don't, that is a minor thing that keeps the readers interest, what really keeps their interest though is some bot of information that is left out, but the story seems to keep going even though that thing was never explained.
For EXAMPLE: it's much more interesting to describe how the character ran home, slammed the door, nailed the windows shut and hid under the bed, than to just say "He was so scared"
instead of saying "She became happy" try "She jumped up and down with the biggest goofy smile and shouted 'yippe!' and everybody stared at her until she sat down and class resumed." But in some rare cases it would be more effective to say "She became Happy."
DON'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING!!! NEVER EXPLAIN YOUR WRITING!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR EXPLANATION IT'S BORING!
The reader doesn't want to hear your explanation or justification! Don't say, "he ran away from home because he hated his dad!" In fact this goes back to the interest level, you just ruined the interest level by doing so because now the reader knows why the character ran away from home rather than the reader being forced to keep reading to find out you have just explained it for them so now the book becomes boring.
Instead only write about things that would happen in a movie or anime, you never see in an anime or movie "Because he hated his parents!" unless someone is speaking, the movie doesn't explain it's self either, no magic voice pops in saying, "let's explain what just happened" Nope! you have to keep watching to understand....
The only time explaining or pre-setting up is acceptable is something like this blog title! the title instantly gives away what this blog is about... but blogs are usually boring anyways so I'm not trying to keep your interest, I"m just trying to hand feed you information...
Which brings me to my next rant, Dont hand feed the reader every little detail, it's boring! don't waste a whole sentence saying he put down the paper, unless that paper was a super important death note or something don't say pointless things, don't describe every action, every detail every anything, the reader wants to personalize the story so let them!
Don't kill your story like that!
Actually when I wrote my story I actually did explain everything, but when I went back I removed it all or took some parts out and put them in later parts of the story so it becomes a slow revelation. I mainly explained so I myself could understand the story but I removed it because the reader doesn't want to know now, they will find out later.... this is called interaction.... the reader is actively interacting and thinking about the story "Why did the character do that?" "What was this thing the character referred to" Then their only choice is to keep reading!
One last thing make sure the story it's self isn't BORING! "Oooo I"m a writer, now I'm going to write about things anyone can go out and do!"
lame, readers read books because it takes them to a world where these things usually don't or never happen, who wants to read about everyday things? unless it's a comedy don't do it!
WRITING INTERESTINGLY>>>
Here's the deal, someone just picked up your book, the first chapter of your book explains everything and sets the reader up for the rest of the story! you know what I think of that? BORING!!!
The first chapter or first few chapters IS NOT supposed to set up the story, in fact usually in most anim/manga/stories/books the reader is thrown right in the middle of something without being informed of any thing about it, they must keep watching/reading to find out what the heck is going on, so in a sense the first chapter shouldn't set up the entire story in a nice little box, rather the entire book should slowly put pieces around the frame until you have a complete story....
because honestly, once the reader knows the complete setting, everything about the characters and their lives, the characters future doesn't seem so interesting any more.... and that's what most NOOB writers think, That "The reader's going to keep reading to find out what happens next..." No in fact usually they don't, that is a minor thing that keeps the readers interest, what really keeps their interest though is some bot of information that is left out, but the story seems to keep going even though that thing was never explained.
For EXAMPLE: it's much more interesting to describe how the character ran home, slammed the door, nailed the windows shut and hid under the bed, than to just say "He was so scared"
instead of saying "She became happy" try "She jumped up and down with the biggest goofy smile and shouted 'yippe!' and everybody stared at her until she sat down and class resumed." But in some rare cases it would be more effective to say "She became Happy."
DON'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING!!! NEVER EXPLAIN YOUR WRITING!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR EXPLANATION IT'S BORING!
The reader doesn't want to hear your explanation or justification! Don't say, "he ran away from home because he hated his dad!" In fact this goes back to the interest level, you just ruined the interest level by doing so because now the reader knows why the character ran away from home rather than the reader being forced to keep reading to find out you have just explained it for them so now the book becomes boring.
Instead only write about things that would happen in a movie or anime, you never see in an anime or movie "Because he hated his parents!" unless someone is speaking, the movie doesn't explain it's self either, no magic voice pops in saying, "let's explain what just happened" Nope! you have to keep watching to understand....
The only time explaining or pre-setting up is acceptable is something like this blog title! the title instantly gives away what this blog is about... but blogs are usually boring anyways so I'm not trying to keep your interest, I"m just trying to hand feed you information...
Which brings me to my next rant, Dont hand feed the reader every little detail, it's boring! don't waste a whole sentence saying he put down the paper, unless that paper was a super important death note or something don't say pointless things, don't describe every action, every detail every anything, the reader wants to personalize the story so let them!
Don't kill your story like that!
Actually when I wrote my story I actually did explain everything, but when I went back I removed it all or took some parts out and put them in later parts of the story so it becomes a slow revelation. I mainly explained so I myself could understand the story but I removed it because the reader doesn't want to know now, they will find out later.... this is called interaction.... the reader is actively interacting and thinking about the story "Why did the character do that?" "What was this thing the character referred to" Then their only choice is to keep reading!
One last thing make sure the story it's self isn't BORING! "Oooo I"m a writer, now I'm going to write about things anyone can go out and do!"
lame, readers read books because it takes them to a world where these things usually don't or never happen, who wants to read about everyday things? unless it's a comedy don't do it!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
It's not about how you do it, it's about what you do!
I bet you've heard that saying before! "It's not about how good you draw, it's about what you draw!"
"It's not about how you write, it's about what you write!"
Well I'll tell you what, that's all wrong! Those are just the stupid encouraging words they tell people to feel good about themselves!
You watch an action movie, say Lord of the Rings, you think the fighting scenes will be good if they just showed it at the same camera angle the whole time? No of course not! Movies have lot's of different camera angles to keep interest up. Now sentences are the writers camera!
If your sentences all began with "the" it sure would be a boring book, and yes even if you write the same story as me, if my sentences are more interesting guess what, my book would be better than yours!
Here's an example of a good paragraph!
The sky was tinted light orange. A loud ring scared the creature off. It took flight from among the trash, leaving a trail of feathers behind. From all directions, people swarmed the school yard, and flooded the streets.
Now when I first mentioned the creature the reader doesn't know what I'm talking about since I speak of it without introducing it first, therefore the reader must keep reading to find out what the heck I"m talking about, then I start talking about a school yard after that, so then the reader must continue reading to get the whole picture, do you think that was a good paragraph?
REMEMBER SHORTER SENTENCES ARE BETTER! How many times have you placed your own house as a setting for a book you've read? We all have, you story is no excepting, just because you are writing about your house doesn't mean the reader has to envision your house too, that's why books are so compelling because they are personal!
Here's a bad paragraph!
The sky was bright and blue, and the clouds cuttled close together because it often gets cold way up there in the sky. They looked down upon the earth from above, and as they sway lazily with the breeze, they go with the flow, they notice the tree, who does nothing, nothing but sit and be lazy, just like the clouds, but if it weren't for the tree's oxygen the clouds wouldn't be there, and if it wasn't for the clouds tears, the tree's wouldn't be here either.
Now I call this one of my bad sentences why? Because I read it one time and it's cool, I read it again and it gets boring I read it a third time and I skip words, I don't even want to try a fourth time. However the paragraph before was less straight forward, I could read it several times and envision different things each time, I could read it maybe five or six times before getting bored.
But I say the second paragraph speaks of a more interesting topic, the first one just talks about normal things. So I hope you remember a bad drawing of pikachu is crap compared the the same drawing only it is done well...
stupid abstract and modern art sucks because usually the art is pointless and the drawings suck. Classical Renaissance art is good because it displays true skill and talent and has an emotional scene sometimes. Remember it's not about what you draw alone, it's also about how you draw it!
"It's not about how you write, it's about what you write!"
Well I'll tell you what, that's all wrong! Those are just the stupid encouraging words they tell people to feel good about themselves!
You watch an action movie, say Lord of the Rings, you think the fighting scenes will be good if they just showed it at the same camera angle the whole time? No of course not! Movies have lot's of different camera angles to keep interest up. Now sentences are the writers camera!
If your sentences all began with "the" it sure would be a boring book, and yes even if you write the same story as me, if my sentences are more interesting guess what, my book would be better than yours!
Here's an example of a good paragraph!
The sky was tinted light orange. A loud ring scared the creature off. It took flight from among the trash, leaving a trail of feathers behind. From all directions, people swarmed the school yard, and flooded the streets.
Now when I first mentioned the creature the reader doesn't know what I'm talking about since I speak of it without introducing it first, therefore the reader must keep reading to find out what the heck I"m talking about, then I start talking about a school yard after that, so then the reader must continue reading to get the whole picture, do you think that was a good paragraph?
REMEMBER SHORTER SENTENCES ARE BETTER! How many times have you placed your own house as a setting for a book you've read? We all have, you story is no excepting, just because you are writing about your house doesn't mean the reader has to envision your house too, that's why books are so compelling because they are personal!
Here's a bad paragraph!
The sky was bright and blue, and the clouds cuttled close together because it often gets cold way up there in the sky. They looked down upon the earth from above, and as they sway lazily with the breeze, they go with the flow, they notice the tree, who does nothing, nothing but sit and be lazy, just like the clouds, but if it weren't for the tree's oxygen the clouds wouldn't be there, and if it wasn't for the clouds tears, the tree's wouldn't be here either.
Now I call this one of my bad sentences why? Because I read it one time and it's cool, I read it again and it gets boring I read it a third time and I skip words, I don't even want to try a fourth time. However the paragraph before was less straight forward, I could read it several times and envision different things each time, I could read it maybe five or six times before getting bored.
But I say the second paragraph speaks of a more interesting topic, the first one just talks about normal things. So I hope you remember a bad drawing of pikachu is crap compared the the same drawing only it is done well...
stupid abstract and modern art sucks because usually the art is pointless and the drawings suck. Classical Renaissance art is good because it displays true skill and talent and has an emotional scene sometimes. Remember it's not about what you draw alone, it's also about how you draw it!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Be Creative!
They say Creativity is a one time use gift, after you use it again it's no longer creative... but building off the same stump will create an even bigger tree with more and more branches!
I guess that's what Nintendo does with their games, they still have Mario rescuing Peach, Link saving the world, but no matter what their games will always feel like completely new games... and you know why? Because they are... their more than just having Master chief dress up in a modern outfit and changing the name of the game to Modern Warefare, it's more like having hamburgers one night and steak the next... same cow different part!
So where am I going with this? Well it's sad to say but most of the writings I've read whether it be from the school writing club or even an actual novel, I have to be honest and say I've seen so many pieces of crap books and story lines out there, scratch that, I've seen so many crappy concepts out there, scratch that I've seen so many crappy ways of telling the story....
Every Mario Adventure game revolves around the same basic concept yet they are able to change up the methods add new game mechanics and settings and boom you get a new game! well I guess it's not as easy as that...
Say you want to write about vampires, are you going to write ABOUT vampires or are you going to actually create a STORY? You could take any old story and replace all the main characters with vampires, and thus you have a story ABOUT vampires.... No! where am I getting with this?
Is that the common root, the thing your story should truly revolve around, the main motif the whatever... is the STORY! Just because your story has a Death Note in it doesn't make it a Death Note story! Just because your story has love in it doesn't make it romantic. Why am I saying this? Maybe because I feel like it... Maybe because I don't want to grow up in a world dominated by horrible stories to tell to my grand children....
STORY STORY STORY.... if your going to write, make a story.. now you say what about the vampires? Well of course if your going to write about vampires don't just throw them in there... No, you story should revolve not only around the events but the setting, the characters, the items and symbols, the motifs and the time period. Your story (if you want a good story) should rely so much on these things that if these things were any different you would have a totally different story!
You can't have super Mario Galaxy without the Galaxy, you know what's funny? If Nintendo took the worst game in the world and slapped Mario on it I bet it would sell like hot cakes! You know why because Mario isn't just a costume, Mario is a character!
mmmm.... time to relax....
they say your most creative when you are relaxed... when your heart and your lungs and your brain are on the same beat.... Take some deep breaths while imagining something, some sort of thing that goes along with the tempo of your breaths... if you can successfully do this then you get Cardiac Coherence... Your brain and your lungs and your blood pressure will be at the perfect level for creativity!
....mmm relaxed? I am....
I guess I've been writing about how to write your story what about what your story should be? Well believe it or not no story is the same, there's no formula if you know what I mean... X + Y = Z but when story writing you can't just plug in anything and have a story if you know what I mean? Some people's storied will be X + X + Y = Q.... if all stories followed the same pattern they would be oh I don't know... UNCREATIVE.... but if all stories had the same roots like how Mario games all have saving the princess, then we can go from there...
Well I can't be specific but if you create your own formula for the story you want to write then I say good! en example of a really general formula that anyone could use....
Happy beginning - Interesting Middle - Happy almost ending - Sad and Tragic Ending and final resolution
That is an example of a general story formula.. it has to be general because if I put specifics like Character finds Death Note - Character Kills People - Character Dies, well then guess what, it wouldn't be your story it would be someone elses, your just plugging in different characters...
What would Death Note be with "L" replaced with Mario? or Light replaced with Kirby? it would probably be a comedy not the epic serious show the original Death Note was...
So let's get creative!
One more thing I'd like to add.... When writing a story don't write about things that could happen in any story, or at least you shouldn't... feel free to do whatever you want though.... Write about things that the reader or viewer would want to do, but knows that kind of thing could only happen in a story...
What's a YouTube popular video if it's just a video of some guy waling? Anyone can do that! But what if it was some guy walking down the rail road tracks while two trains are about to collide in the middle of a thunder story holding a giant pikachu over his head?
I guess that's what Nintendo does with their games, they still have Mario rescuing Peach, Link saving the world, but no matter what their games will always feel like completely new games... and you know why? Because they are... their more than just having Master chief dress up in a modern outfit and changing the name of the game to Modern Warefare, it's more like having hamburgers one night and steak the next... same cow different part!
So where am I going with this? Well it's sad to say but most of the writings I've read whether it be from the school writing club or even an actual novel, I have to be honest and say I've seen so many pieces of crap books and story lines out there, scratch that, I've seen so many crappy concepts out there, scratch that I've seen so many crappy ways of telling the story....
Every Mario Adventure game revolves around the same basic concept yet they are able to change up the methods add new game mechanics and settings and boom you get a new game! well I guess it's not as easy as that...
Say you want to write about vampires, are you going to write ABOUT vampires or are you going to actually create a STORY? You could take any old story and replace all the main characters with vampires, and thus you have a story ABOUT vampires.... No! where am I getting with this?
Is that the common root, the thing your story should truly revolve around, the main motif the whatever... is the STORY! Just because your story has a Death Note in it doesn't make it a Death Note story! Just because your story has love in it doesn't make it romantic. Why am I saying this? Maybe because I feel like it... Maybe because I don't want to grow up in a world dominated by horrible stories to tell to my grand children....
STORY STORY STORY.... if your going to write, make a story.. now you say what about the vampires? Well of course if your going to write about vampires don't just throw them in there... No, you story should revolve not only around the events but the setting, the characters, the items and symbols, the motifs and the time period. Your story (if you want a good story) should rely so much on these things that if these things were any different you would have a totally different story!
You can't have super Mario Galaxy without the Galaxy, you know what's funny? If Nintendo took the worst game in the world and slapped Mario on it I bet it would sell like hot cakes! You know why because Mario isn't just a costume, Mario is a character!
mmmm.... time to relax....
they say your most creative when you are relaxed... when your heart and your lungs and your brain are on the same beat.... Take some deep breaths while imagining something, some sort of thing that goes along with the tempo of your breaths... if you can successfully do this then you get Cardiac Coherence... Your brain and your lungs and your blood pressure will be at the perfect level for creativity!
....mmm relaxed? I am....
I guess I've been writing about how to write your story what about what your story should be? Well believe it or not no story is the same, there's no formula if you know what I mean... X + Y = Z but when story writing you can't just plug in anything and have a story if you know what I mean? Some people's storied will be X + X + Y = Q.... if all stories followed the same pattern they would be oh I don't know... UNCREATIVE.... but if all stories had the same roots like how Mario games all have saving the princess, then we can go from there...
Well I can't be specific but if you create your own formula for the story you want to write then I say good! en example of a really general formula that anyone could use....
Happy beginning - Interesting Middle - Happy almost ending - Sad and Tragic Ending and final resolution
That is an example of a general story formula.. it has to be general because if I put specifics like Character finds Death Note - Character Kills People - Character Dies, well then guess what, it wouldn't be your story it would be someone elses, your just plugging in different characters...
What would Death Note be with "L" replaced with Mario? or Light replaced with Kirby? it would probably be a comedy not the epic serious show the original Death Note was...
So let's get creative!
One more thing I'd like to add.... When writing a story don't write about things that could happen in any story, or at least you shouldn't... feel free to do whatever you want though.... Write about things that the reader or viewer would want to do, but knows that kind of thing could only happen in a story...
What's a YouTube popular video if it's just a video of some guy waling? Anyone can do that! But what if it was some guy walking down the rail road tracks while two trains are about to collide in the middle of a thunder story holding a giant pikachu over his head?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Dressing up!
Right now I am finished with the story of my novel, I know exactly what happens, I know what I want to happen and how it ends and everything like that!
The only problem is that the story isn't developed well enough! Basically the whole time I was writing the story I did it in noob style... (previous posts) which basically means I over explained it.. which is bad because the reader is supposed to figure things out on their own so they can experience it for themselves! Instead of explaining why the character did the thing he did just have him do it and leave the explanation for later, instead of saying the character was scared say the the character was shivering or that he/she hid under the bed.
So that's what I've been doing, I've been "dressing" my story up! And I have changed so much while still keeping the same basic plot. The story has changed so much not even I recognize it anymore! I am very proud of it, so I will give a short preview/summary.
The story of five high school kids who live in a dump, the worst, most poor place one could ever live, a trash ridden city where a cardboard box could literally be one's house. These boys are so poor and angry, why is everyone around them so happy and cheerful? The set out on a quest, one to make money and two to leave this worthless dump of a town. They end up falling down the wrong path when they start to sell marijuana. They become super rich off of it and it is a constant struggle to keep hush about it and to keep quiet about it at all times, while one of the boys decided it's enough and leaves, all he wants is to be creative and make money off being creative, not off of selling crap. Here in lies the story of violence and romance, weird parts, funny parts that actually made me laugh out loud when I wrote them, happy and romantic parts that made me actually want to be one of the characters and perhaps one of the saddest stories I have ever written... The Green Success will be published sometime soon!
The only problem is that the story isn't developed well enough! Basically the whole time I was writing the story I did it in noob style... (previous posts) which basically means I over explained it.. which is bad because the reader is supposed to figure things out on their own so they can experience it for themselves! Instead of explaining why the character did the thing he did just have him do it and leave the explanation for later, instead of saying the character was scared say the the character was shivering or that he/she hid under the bed.
So that's what I've been doing, I've been "dressing" my story up! And I have changed so much while still keeping the same basic plot. The story has changed so much not even I recognize it anymore! I am very proud of it, so I will give a short preview/summary.
The story of five high school kids who live in a dump, the worst, most poor place one could ever live, a trash ridden city where a cardboard box could literally be one's house. These boys are so poor and angry, why is everyone around them so happy and cheerful? The set out on a quest, one to make money and two to leave this worthless dump of a town. They end up falling down the wrong path when they start to sell marijuana. They become super rich off of it and it is a constant struggle to keep hush about it and to keep quiet about it at all times, while one of the boys decided it's enough and leaves, all he wants is to be creative and make money off being creative, not off of selling crap. Here in lies the story of violence and romance, weird parts, funny parts that actually made me laugh out loud when I wrote them, happy and romantic parts that made me actually want to be one of the characters and perhaps one of the saddest stories I have ever written... The Green Success will be published sometime soon!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Effectiveness...
this is a short but sweet post...
Remember it's always more effective to say "He crunched his fists together" than to just say "He grew angry!"
better to say "He pee'd his pants" than to say "He was scared!"
better to say "She screamed and clutched her hand" than to say "She got hurt in the hand"
better to say "Ge smiled brightly as she walked away" than to say "he was happy after seeing her"
Show me things I would normally see on a TV screen or in an anime, not something that can only be read...
Remember it's always more effective to say "He crunched his fists together" than to just say "He grew angry!"
better to say "He pee'd his pants" than to say "He was scared!"
better to say "She screamed and clutched her hand" than to say "She got hurt in the hand"
better to say "Ge smiled brightly as she walked away" than to say "he was happy after seeing her"
Show me things I would normally see on a TV screen or in an anime, not something that can only be read...
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Making The Story Interesting
After I finished my first few chapters I had one BIG problem with them... they were BORING!
Now I just assumed that it was boring to me because I was the writer, just like if you watch a movie too many times it becomes boring, but it wasn't till a few days ago that I realized how lame and boring it really was... it was so lame that the only way anyone would have read through it was if they had a gun pointed to their head, and maybe even then they might no be able to read it...
...it wasn't the main story line so much as it was that that was all my story was about.....
All I focused on the first time writing was the plot and now I realize that my characters were bland the setting wasn't really much and I though I revealed too much about everything, like I was trying to make the reader understand what was going on... let me rephrase, I explained too much.... the reader needs to be puzzled and have questions, why is the characters doing this? What happened before this? What would happen if they stopped trying to achieve their goal?
These questions I think I tried too much to answer for the reader instead of letting these questions linger on a few chapters before slowly revealing the answers.... this is what makes a compelling story... when no only does the characters have a goal they want to achieve, but also the negative consequences if they don't reach their goal...
Some of you who have read my previous posts know I posted the forst chapter way too much and it sucked anyways, but I am reposting the first chapter once again and I guarentee you, with the exception of the beginning, you wouldn't have been able to know it's the same as the other chapters... All I did was remove my explanations and make a more unique setting...
Copyright 2010 Andrew T. - Get your Copyright needs taken care of at Legal Zoom!
The leaves scudded across the dry dirt and a crisp breeze whispered by. A single file line of ants marched across the ground carrying leaves thirty times their size, their tiny, black, shielded bodies shimmered in the sun light, their armor was like a shining knight. A loud ring suddenly flooded the area... the fluttering of birds in the distance signaled the disappearance of the natural way of life and within seconds, emerged hundreds of people. There was trash scattered abroad all across the campus and everywhere you look all you'd see is cracked walls, rusty metal, broken doors and hundreds of people. They hustled about... some stopping to talk... some headed straight for their next destination; Some carrying books and some wearing storage bags across their backs... they were high school students. One such student, was quite the eye catcher, his tall stature only paralleled his slender body and unique clothing style. All the girls would take some time to feed their eyes upon his good looks as he passed by, and this young boy's name, was Long.
He paced steadily on a sidewalk carpeted with leaves and littered with trash, towards an isolated, unbalanced lunch table. Many girls blushed and giggled as he passed by... of course he knew, he had gotten used to all the attention and to tell the truth, even though Long had never been in a serious relationship... well... never mind, he was a loser when it came to girls. He dodged through a crowd of people and stepped towards a shady lunch table, which seemed isolated from most of the lunch area. Surprisingly there wasn't much trash surrounding the table. He placed his bag on the concrete floor and sat down, parallel to two friends, Matthew and Andrew.
Long noisily crunched his lunch bag out of his backpack, which only added the mumble of the surrounding school crowd. His lunch wasn't any more than his family could afford, an insipid bologna sandwich complemented by a bag of chips and a juice pouch... BORING!!!! Matthew had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich topped with extra peanut butter, and a lightly toasted bread, crispy and brown. Andrew, had just managed to somehow pull out a rather large, delicate chocolate cake... one could only imagine how it managed to stay in its fragile container all day without spilling its molten delight all over the innards of his back pack... it still remains a mystery. While Long ate he looked around him and all he saw was trash, breaking wood and chattering students. He gazed upon these things in disgust before finally speaking.
"I have good news!" Long declared, just as another friend, Mark, showed up. "Today's the day! Luke finally got hired, and that means we can start making some money!" Luke was Long's little brother, Long's annoyance, Long's follower, and Luke had just sat down at the table.
"Even I was surprised when I found out the store could actually afford to hire me, seeing as it already had one employee."
"It's because that store has so much beer!" Mark said, "The rich and the poor people will always have one thing in common, their love for beer!" Mark noticed Matt was drueling over Andrew's soft cake.
"We've been saving up our money! When the new Mario game came out, we resisted buying it, when the year book went on 'sale' we thankfully avoided that worthless piece of sh---."
A soft conversation grew among the table, but Long impatiently continued,
"and so far, me and Luke had accumulated over $400, started from $0, in the past year... and now that Luke got the job...."
The conversation grew louder, now Matt and Andrew were BOTH eating cake, Andrew didn't have an extra plate, so he simply sliced a piece onto Matthew's palm, who was happily gorging in it...
"Now that Luke finally got the job I think we should seize the opportunity to build up our fortune and then we can finally get out of this trash ridden trashcan of a town" Long said.
"Well it's not like we all can get jobs.." Matt said, "We always apply for work but we never get hired, Luke was lucky enough to get hired, so what are we going to do?"
"That's a good point." Mark said, "There's nothing much we can do.." He gazed upon the crowd of people talking and laughing wildly, he wondered what they could be talking so happily about.
The lunch bell finally rung, and it was back to class time. The commotion of the crowd grew again, and the passing hustle and bustle filled the air. Long turned around, "I..." He stopped as he noticed the only one left at the table was Mark... "I had an idea...."
The bombastic eyes of Andrew stared as he watched Long march off. A feeling of empathy enshrouded him as he perched on the table seat and watched Long walk off into the soft horizon.....
Discouraged, still sitting at the table, Andrew spoke for the first time, "But I was listening..." though no one was sitting at the table anymore.... the surrounding crowd slowly started to shrink until all that remained were mountains and mountains of trash....
Now I just assumed that it was boring to me because I was the writer, just like if you watch a movie too many times it becomes boring, but it wasn't till a few days ago that I realized how lame and boring it really was... it was so lame that the only way anyone would have read through it was if they had a gun pointed to their head, and maybe even then they might no be able to read it...
...it wasn't the main story line so much as it was that that was all my story was about.....
All I focused on the first time writing was the plot and now I realize that my characters were bland the setting wasn't really much and I though I revealed too much about everything, like I was trying to make the reader understand what was going on... let me rephrase, I explained too much.... the reader needs to be puzzled and have questions, why is the characters doing this? What happened before this? What would happen if they stopped trying to achieve their goal?
These questions I think I tried too much to answer for the reader instead of letting these questions linger on a few chapters before slowly revealing the answers.... this is what makes a compelling story... when no only does the characters have a goal they want to achieve, but also the negative consequences if they don't reach their goal...
Some of you who have read my previous posts know I posted the forst chapter way too much and it sucked anyways, but I am reposting the first chapter once again and I guarentee you, with the exception of the beginning, you wouldn't have been able to know it's the same as the other chapters... All I did was remove my explanations and make a more unique setting...
^ _ ^
Basically your characters and settings are very important, not just the plot.... your story should rely so much on the characters and settings that if they were any different it would be a completely different story....
Copyright 2010 Andrew T. - Get your Copyright needs taken care of at Legal Zoom!
^ _ ^
If one's voice is not heard, has a word ever been spoken?
Chapter 1
- Beginning to an End
- Beginning to an End
There was a boy who preferred to spend his time alone... He sat on the carpet, isolated in his room....There was a window right in front of him and the sun shined brightly upon his hear which was looking down. His left hand thumbed at his lip and his right played and pulled on bright, woolly fibers which made up the warm, sun bleached carpet..... the sun rays shone through the large window and the radiant warmth enfolded him like a comfy, warm blanket. He stared outside and imagined a beach, glistening waters and beautiful scenery. The sand was hot and bright in the mid-day sun and the palm trees cast a deep, inviting shadow that seemed to cool the sand to ice within an instant. There were people playing and laughing and having fun... and it seemed everywhere you looked there was only comfort and delight. It was a wonderful moment that only he could experience and enjoy, and no one else, and he enjoyed it for quite a while...
He forced open his eyes and the trees faded away, the warmth settled down, and he was now staring at a lonely back patio and a filthy, crumbling old brick wall... He slowly stood up, missing the beach already. He held tightly on to one of the fibers he had pulled from the carpet. Then he slowly loosened his grip, and let it slip from his fingers. On to the floor it fell, it splashed onto an ocean of carpet and it blended with everything else around it as it sunk in between the fibers. An image of a bright, glistening ocean appeared before the carpet, but the boy tried to hold back. At that instant he stopped him self from thinking about beaches and oceans and he cleared his mind. He looked up and he felt both determined and sad at the same time... this would be the last time he spent in his imagination world. It was time to grow up, it was time to move on..... and this young boy's name, was Long...
6 years later....
"why does it always seem like the memories of old... were the best we've ever had?"
He forced open his eyes and the trees faded away, the warmth settled down, and he was now staring at a lonely back patio and a filthy, crumbling old brick wall... He slowly stood up, missing the beach already. He held tightly on to one of the fibers he had pulled from the carpet. Then he slowly loosened his grip, and let it slip from his fingers. On to the floor it fell, it splashed onto an ocean of carpet and it blended with everything else around it as it sunk in between the fibers. An image of a bright, glistening ocean appeared before the carpet, but the boy tried to hold back. At that instant he stopped him self from thinking about beaches and oceans and he cleared his mind. He looked up and he felt both determined and sad at the same time... this would be the last time he spent in his imagination world. It was time to grow up, it was time to move on..... and this young boy's name, was Long...
6 years later....
"why does it always seem like the memories of old... were the best we've ever had?"
The leaves scudded across the dry dirt and a crisp breeze whispered by. A single file line of ants marched across the ground carrying leaves thirty times their size, their tiny, black, shielded bodies shimmered in the sun light, their armor was like a shining knight. A loud ring suddenly flooded the area... the fluttering of birds in the distance signaled the disappearance of the natural way of life and within seconds, emerged hundreds of people. There was trash scattered abroad all across the campus and everywhere you look all you'd see is cracked walls, rusty metal, broken doors and hundreds of people. They hustled about... some stopping to talk... some headed straight for their next destination; Some carrying books and some wearing storage bags across their backs... they were high school students. One such student, was quite the eye catcher, his tall stature only paralleled his slender body and unique clothing style. All the girls would take some time to feed their eyes upon his good looks as he passed by, and this young boy's name, was Long.
He paced steadily on a sidewalk carpeted with leaves and littered with trash, towards an isolated, unbalanced lunch table. Many girls blushed and giggled as he passed by... of course he knew, he had gotten used to all the attention and to tell the truth, even though Long had never been in a serious relationship... well... never mind, he was a loser when it came to girls. He dodged through a crowd of people and stepped towards a shady lunch table, which seemed isolated from most of the lunch area. Surprisingly there wasn't much trash surrounding the table. He placed his bag on the concrete floor and sat down, parallel to two friends, Matthew and Andrew.
Long noisily crunched his lunch bag out of his backpack, which only added the mumble of the surrounding school crowd. His lunch wasn't any more than his family could afford, an insipid bologna sandwich complemented by a bag of chips and a juice pouch... BORING!!!! Matthew had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich topped with extra peanut butter, and a lightly toasted bread, crispy and brown. Andrew, had just managed to somehow pull out a rather large, delicate chocolate cake... one could only imagine how it managed to stay in its fragile container all day without spilling its molten delight all over the innards of his back pack... it still remains a mystery. While Long ate he looked around him and all he saw was trash, breaking wood and chattering students. He gazed upon these things in disgust before finally speaking.
"I have good news!" Long declared, just as another friend, Mark, showed up. "Today's the day! Luke finally got hired, and that means we can start making some money!" Luke was Long's little brother, Long's annoyance, Long's follower, and Luke had just sat down at the table.
"Even I was surprised when I found out the store could actually afford to hire me, seeing as it already had one employee."
"It's because that store has so much beer!" Mark said, "The rich and the poor people will always have one thing in common, their love for beer!" Mark noticed Matt was drueling over Andrew's soft cake.
"We've been saving up our money! When the new Mario game came out, we resisted buying it, when the year book went on 'sale' we thankfully avoided that worthless piece of sh---."
A soft conversation grew among the table, but Long impatiently continued,
"and so far, me and Luke had accumulated over $400, started from $0, in the past year... and now that Luke got the job...."
The conversation grew louder, now Matt and Andrew were BOTH eating cake, Andrew didn't have an extra plate, so he simply sliced a piece onto Matthew's palm, who was happily gorging in it...
"Now that Luke finally got the job I think we should seize the opportunity to build up our fortune and then we can finally get out of this trash ridden trashcan of a town" Long said.
"Well it's not like we all can get jobs.." Matt said, "We always apply for work but we never get hired, Luke was lucky enough to get hired, so what are we going to do?"
"That's a good point." Mark said, "There's nothing much we can do.." He gazed upon the crowd of people talking and laughing wildly, he wondered what they could be talking so happily about.
The lunch bell finally rung, and it was back to class time. The commotion of the crowd grew again, and the passing hustle and bustle filled the air. Long turned around, "I..." He stopped as he noticed the only one left at the table was Mark... "I had an idea...."
The bombastic eyes of Andrew stared as he watched Long march off. A feeling of empathy enshrouded him as he perched on the table seat and watched Long walk off into the soft horizon.....
Discouraged, still sitting at the table, Andrew spoke for the first time, "But I was listening..." though no one was sitting at the table anymore.... the surrounding crowd slowly started to shrink until all that remained were mountains and mountains of trash....
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Introducing Characters!
Just some more character art from my Novel... unfortunately I wont be able to put these pictures in my novel... publishing price would be too much... I do all my digital art in Paint.Net...So I will go more in depth on the "technical" way of introducing characters, but for right now I'm going to be discussing the two ways of introducing characters, the NOOB way and the PRO way....
I have posted below two versions of the first chapter of my novel, the first is in PRO form and the other is in NOOB form...
What is PRO form?
Pro form is the method many NOOB writers fail to do, (I'm a NOOB writer too!) PRO Character introductions are more thought out... The writer needs to know his characters personalities and traits first. Now in Pro Character Development the Author will meticulously place little bits if information all over the chapter, and not just in one spot... usually these tid bits of info will be placed in the chapter naturally and while an event is being taken place.... Usually not too much is revealed about the characters in one chapter but throughout the book in it's entirety.... "We don't see "L's" Snack craving until the third or fourth episode of Death Note... and even then it is only minimal..." This method is useful because the only way the reader will be able to fully understand and learn about the characters is by reading more of the book...
What NOOB style?
NOOB style is basically when the writer creates special paragraphs and has separate little sections purely meant to speak about the character. This method is bad because it then stops the story or sequence of events to talk about a character the reader might not even care for... the reader usually doesn't care about the characters at the beginning of a book rather the reader is first interested in what is going on in the book... Often "NOOBS" will reveal too much information in the beginning of the book and the reader will then be able to know a lot about the characters before the events even play out, which then means the reader doesn't have to pay attention much to the characters but more to the events and the events in most books revolver around the characters and their relationships with each other... it is also important not to mention much about how well the characters friendships are, but rather let the reader inquire that.... Basically anything you wouldn't be able to see in a movie or anime don't put in your writing... it would be hard to explain everything about the character in a movie without the character doing something that expresses that... don't say the character is sad, rather describe how he or she is sad...
Okay so here's both versions of my chapter 1, the first is in PRO style, the second is in NOOB style... and yes I made up these terms...
The first part of the chapter (right before the six years later) is the same in both versions...
...Please tell me which version you like better.... or which one you think is more effective...
If one's voice is not heard, has a word ever been spoken?
Chapter 1
- Beginning to an End
- Beginning to an End
There was a boy who preferred to spend his time alone... He sat on the carpet, isolated in his room....There was a window right in front of him and the sun shined brightly upon his hear which was looking down. His left hand thumbed at his lip and his right played and pulled on bright, woolly fibers which made up the warm, sun bleached carpet..... the sun rays shone through the large window and the radiant warmth enfolded him like a comfy, warm blanket. He stared outside and imagined a beach, glistening waters and beautiful scenery. The sand was hot and bright in the mid-day sun and the palm trees cast a deep, inviting shadow that seemed to cool the sand to ice within an instant. There were people playing and laughing and having fun... and it seemed everywhere you looked there was only comfort and delight. It was a wonderful moment that only he could experience and enjoy, and no one else, and he enjoyed it for quite a while...
He forced open his eyes and the trees faded away, the warmth settled down, and he was now staring at a lonely back patio and a filthy, crumbling old brick wall... He slowly stood up, missing the beach already. He held tightly on to one of the fibers he had pulled from the carpet. Then he slowly loosened his grip, and let it slip from his fingers. On to the floor it fell, it splashed onto an ocean of carpet and it blended with everything else around it as it sunk in between the fibers. An image of a bright, glistening ocean appeared before the carpet, but the boy tried to hold back. At that instant he stopped him self from thinking about beaches and oceans and he cleared his mind. He looked up and he felt both determined and sad at the same time... this would be the last time he spent in his imagination world. It was time to grow up, it was time to move on..... and this young boy's name, was Long...
6 years later....
"why does it always seem like the memories of old... were the best we've ever had?"
NOOB VERSION
He forced open his eyes and the trees faded away, the warmth settled down, and he was now staring at a lonely back patio and a filthy, crumbling old brick wall... He slowly stood up, missing the beach already. He held tightly on to one of the fibers he had pulled from the carpet. Then he slowly loosened his grip, and let it slip from his fingers. On to the floor it fell, it splashed onto an ocean of carpet and it blended with everything else around it as it sunk in between the fibers. An image of a bright, glistening ocean appeared before the carpet, but the boy tried to hold back. At that instant he stopped him self from thinking about beaches and oceans and he cleared his mind. He looked up and he felt both determined and sad at the same time... this would be the last time he spent in his imagination world. It was time to grow up, it was time to move on..... and this young boy's name, was Long...
6 years later....
"why does it always seem like the memories of old... were the best we've ever had?"
The leaves scudded across the dry dirt and a crisp breeze whispered by. A single file line of ants marched across the ground carrying leaves thirty times their size, their tiny, black, shielded bodies shimmered in the bright sun, their armor was like a shining knight. A loud ring suddenly flooded the area... the fluttering of birds in the distance signaled the disappearance of the natural way of life, and within seconds, emerged hundreds of people. They hustled about... some stopping to talk... some headed straight for their next destination, some carrying books, and some wearing storage bags across their backs... they were high school students. One such student, was quite the eye catcher, his tall stature only paralleled his slender body and unique clothing style. All the girls would take some time to feed their eyes upon his good looks as he passed by, and this young boy's name, was Long.
He paced steadily on a sidewalk carpeted with leaves, towards an isolated, unbalanced lunch table. Many girls blushed and giggled as he passed by... of course he knew, he had gotten used to all the attention, and to tell the truth, even though Long had never been in a serious relationship... well... never mind, he was a loser when it came to girls. He dodged through a crowd of people and stepped towards a shady lunch table, which seemed isolated from most of the lunch area. He placed his bag on the concrete floor and sat down, parallel to two friends, Matthew and Andrew.
Long noisily crunched his lunch bag out of his backpack, which only added the mumble of the surrounding school crowd. His lunch consisted of an insipid bologna sandwich complemented by a bag of chips and a juice pouch... BORING!!!! Matthew had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, topped with extra peanut butter, and a lightly toasted bread, crisp and brown. Andrew, had just managed to somehow pull out a rather large, delicate chocolate cake... one could only imagine how it managed to stay in its fragile container all day without spilling its molten delight all over the innards of his back pack... it still remains a mystery.
"I have good news!" Long declared, just as another friend, Mark, showed up. "Today's the day! Luke finally got hired, and that means we can make some money!" Luke was Long's little brother, Long's annoyance, Long's follower. Luke had gotten hired at a convenience store, which he could easily handle. Everyone except Andrew, who was wolfing down the delightfully, glistening cake, and Matt, who was practically drooling on it, were listening intently.
"We've been saving up our money! When the new Mario game came out, we resisted buying it, when the year book went on 'sale' we thankfully avoided that worthless piece of sh---."
there was a soft conversation among the table, but Long impatiently continued,
"and so far, me and Luke had accumulated over $400, started from $0, in the past year... and now that Luke got the job...."
The conversation grew louder, now Matt and Andrew were BOTH eating cake, Andrew didn't have an extra plate, so he simply sliced a piece onto Matthew's palm, who was happily gorging in it... obviously not hearing a word Long had said... Mark sat there with his hand against his face, looking bored and Luke had just squeezed his chunky, unhealthy body onto a seat next to Mark... Long flashed his eyes at them,
"Listen up!!! Your acting like kids! Do you want to end up like Mark's dad? Answering phones for a living???!?!?!" (Jerk!)
There was a slight symphony of chuckles, Mark wasn't at all offended. Long spoke again,
"Then we need to work, I know if we work hard, by the end of the year---" The guys seemed to drift off into conversation again, Long's face turned red with embarrassment and impatience, "Listen---!" But there was another interruption, this time by a much louder noise... the lunch bell had rung, and it was back to class time. The commotion of the crowd grew again, and the passing hustle and bustle discouraged any more of Long's announcements. Long turned and looked around as he saw his "friends" passing by, his mouth hung slightly open as he still had much, much more to say...
...Were these the people Long had so desperately been looking for? The bombastic eyes of Andrew stared as Long march off, a feeling of empathy enshrouded him as he perched on the table seat and watched Long walk off into the soft horizon..... discouraged...
He paced steadily on a sidewalk carpeted with leaves, towards an isolated, unbalanced lunch table. Many girls blushed and giggled as he passed by... of course he knew, he had gotten used to all the attention, and to tell the truth, even though Long had never been in a serious relationship... well... never mind, he was a loser when it came to girls. He dodged through a crowd of people and stepped towards a shady lunch table, which seemed isolated from most of the lunch area. He placed his bag on the concrete floor and sat down, parallel to two friends, Matthew and Andrew.
Long noisily crunched his lunch bag out of his backpack, which only added the mumble of the surrounding school crowd. His lunch consisted of an insipid bologna sandwich complemented by a bag of chips and a juice pouch... BORING!!!! Matthew had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, topped with extra peanut butter, and a lightly toasted bread, crisp and brown. Andrew, had just managed to somehow pull out a rather large, delicate chocolate cake... one could only imagine how it managed to stay in its fragile container all day without spilling its molten delight all over the innards of his back pack... it still remains a mystery.
"I have good news!" Long declared, just as another friend, Mark, showed up. "Today's the day! Luke finally got hired, and that means we can make some money!" Luke was Long's little brother, Long's annoyance, Long's follower. Luke had gotten hired at a convenience store, which he could easily handle. Everyone except Andrew, who was wolfing down the delightfully, glistening cake, and Matt, who was practically drooling on it, were listening intently.
"We've been saving up our money! When the new Mario game came out, we resisted buying it, when the year book went on 'sale' we thankfully avoided that worthless piece of sh---."
there was a soft conversation among the table, but Long impatiently continued,
"and so far, me and Luke had accumulated over $400, started from $0, in the past year... and now that Luke got the job...."
The conversation grew louder, now Matt and Andrew were BOTH eating cake, Andrew didn't have an extra plate, so he simply sliced a piece onto Matthew's palm, who was happily gorging in it... obviously not hearing a word Long had said... Mark sat there with his hand against his face, looking bored and Luke had just squeezed his chunky, unhealthy body onto a seat next to Mark... Long flashed his eyes at them,
"Listen up!!! Your acting like kids! Do you want to end up like Mark's dad? Answering phones for a living???!?!?!" (Jerk!)
There was a slight symphony of chuckles, Mark wasn't at all offended. Long spoke again,
"Then we need to work, I know if we work hard, by the end of the year---" The guys seemed to drift off into conversation again, Long's face turned red with embarrassment and impatience, "Listen---!" But there was another interruption, this time by a much louder noise... the lunch bell had rung, and it was back to class time. The commotion of the crowd grew again, and the passing hustle and bustle discouraged any more of Long's announcements. Long turned and looked around as he saw his "friends" passing by, his mouth hung slightly open as he still had much, much more to say...
...Were these the people Long had so desperately been looking for? The bombastic eyes of Andrew stared as Long march off, a feeling of empathy enshrouded him as he perched on the table seat and watched Long walk off into the soft horizon..... discouraged...
NOOB VERSION
If one's voice is not heard, has a word ever been spoken?
Chapter 1
- Beginning to an End
- Beginning to an End
There was a boy who preferred to spend his time alone... his older siblings always gaining the attention and concern of his parents, and his younger, now getting it more than ever since the older ones have moved out of the house. This boy sat on the floor, isolated in his room.... he sat hunched over with his back being the highest point of his body. His left hand thumbed at his lip and his right played and pulled on bright, woolly fibers which made up the warm, sun bleached carpet..... the sun rays shone through the large window and the radiant warmth enfolded him like a comfy, warm blanket. He stared outside and imagined a beach, glistening waters and beautiful scenery. The sand was hot and bright in the mid-day sun and the palm trees cast a deep, inviting shadow that seemed to cool the sand to ice within an instant. There were people playing and laughing and having fun... and it seemed everywhere you looked there was only comfort and delight. It was a wonderful moment that only he could experience and enjoy, and no one else, and he enjoyed it for quite a while...
He forced open his eyes and the trees faded away, the warmth settled down, and he was now staring at a lonely back patio and a dirty, crumbling old brick wall... He slowly stood up, missing the beach already. He held tightly on to one of the fibers he had pulled from the carpet. Then he slowly loosened his grip, and let it slip from his fingers. On to the floor it fell, it splashed onto an ocean of carpet and it blended with everything else around it as it sunk in between the fibers. An image of a bright, glistening ocean appeared before the carpet, but the boy tried to hold back. At that instant he stopped him self from thinking about beaches and oceans and he cleared his mind. He looked up and he felt both determined and sad at the same time... this would be the last time he spent in his imagination world. It was time to grow up, it was time to move on..... and this young boy's name, was Long...
6 years later....
"why does it always seem like the memories of old... were the best we've ever had?"
He forced open his eyes and the trees faded away, the warmth settled down, and he was now staring at a lonely back patio and a dirty, crumbling old brick wall... He slowly stood up, missing the beach already. He held tightly on to one of the fibers he had pulled from the carpet. Then he slowly loosened his grip, and let it slip from his fingers. On to the floor it fell, it splashed onto an ocean of carpet and it blended with everything else around it as it sunk in between the fibers. An image of a bright, glistening ocean appeared before the carpet, but the boy tried to hold back. At that instant he stopped him self from thinking about beaches and oceans and he cleared his mind. He looked up and he felt both determined and sad at the same time... this would be the last time he spent in his imagination world. It was time to grow up, it was time to move on..... and this young boy's name, was Long...
6 years later....
"why does it always seem like the memories of old... were the best we've ever had?"
The leaves scudded across the dry dirt and a crisp breeze whispered by. A single file line of ants marched across the ground carrying leaves thirty times their size, their tiny, black, shielded bodies shimmered in the bright sun, their armor was like a shining knight. A loud ring suddenly flooded the area... the fluttering of birds in the distance signaled the disappearance of the natural way of life, and within seconds, emerged hundreds of people. They hustled about... some stopping to talk... some headed straight for their next destination, some carrying books, and some wearing storage bags across their backs... they were high school students. One such student, was quite the eye catcher, his tall stature only paralleled his slender body and unique clothing style. All the girls would take some time to feed their eyes upon his good looks as he passed by, and this young boy's name, was Long.
Long wasn't your average student, he wasn't one of those who excelled all their work towards associating with others and building seemingly lasting friendships, he was different... He looked past these trivial things, and his line of sight was straight towards the future. Not only did he profoundly hate school with a passion, he wanted to leave school as soon as possible... and never go to college... he believed he could become successful by following his dreams. He wanted to become wealthy enough, he could "ENJOY" life after school. No Work. No stress. No Problem. His goal was make so much money (before he finished high-school), so he wouldn't need to go to college. And he was determined to do so.
Now in order to accomplish this seemingly impossible task, he needed the help of others, those who shared the same beliefs as him. For some time it had been until he stumbled upon a group of people sharing similar beliefs, and this group of people would be what most called... ... "friends". And for some time they had been jokingly talking about this type of thing... much like most teenagers do about their trashed, unplanned future... eventually they had taken these "jokes" into serious consideration, and Long believed his dream could be accomplished with hard work and perseverance.
He paced steadily on a sidewalk carpeted with leaves, towards an isolated, unbalanced lunch table. Many girls blushed and giggled as he passed by... of course he knew, he had gotten used to all the attention, and to tell the truth, even though Long had never been in a serious relationship... well... never mind, he was a loser when it came to girls. He dodged through a crowd of people and stepped towards a shady lunch table, which seemed isolated from most of the lunch area. He placed his bag on the concrete floor and sat down, parallel to two friends, Matthew and Andrew.
Matthew was a nice fellow who you'd easily become friends with, he was medium stature, had black hair and today he was wearing a red shirt (don't know, just had to mention the red shirt...). Andrew was Long's farthest friend, he had long brown hair that slipped past his eyes, and Andrew was only slightly taller than Long. Andrew sure was a quiet one, if you never said a word to him, he'd never say a word to you. Andrew always wore dark colored clothing, and sat oddly in his chair, and did odd things, and said odd things, and it was very hard for Long to come to like him. Long never knew if Andrew thought of him as a friend or not... Enough said.... (for now)
Long noisily crunched his lunch bag out of his backpack, which only added the mumble of the surrounding school crowd. His lunch consisted of an insipid bologna sandwich complemented by a bag of chips and a juice pouch... BORING!!!! Matthew had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, topped with extra peanut butter, and a lightly toasted bread, crisp and brown. Andrew, had just managed to somehow pull out a rather large, delicate chocolate cake... one could only imagine how it managed to stay in its fragile container all day without spilling its molten delight all over the innards of his back pack... it still remains a mystery.
"I have good news!" Long declared, just as another friend, Mark, showed up. "Today's the day! Luke finally got hired, and that means we can make some money!" Luke was Long's little brother, Long's annoyance, Long's follower. Luke had gotten hired at a convenience store, which he could easily handle. Everyone except Andrew, who was wolfing down the delightfully, glistening cake, and Matt, who was practically drooling on it, were listening intently.
"We've been saving up our money! When the new Mario game came out, we resisted buying it, when the year book went on 'sale' we thankfully avoided that worthless piece of sh---."
there was a soft conversation among the table, but Long impatiently continued,
"and so far, me and Luke had accumulated over $400, started from $0, in the past year... and now that Luke got the job...."
The conversation grew louder, now Matt and Andrew were BOTH eating cake, Andrew didn't have an extra plate, so he simply sliced a piece onto Matthew's palm, who was happily gorging in it... obviously not hearing a word Long had said... Mark sat there with his hand against his face, looking bored and Luke had just squeezed his chunky, unhealthy body onto a seat next to Mark... Long flashed his eyes at them,
"Listen up!!! Your acting like kids! Do you want to end up like Mark's dad? Answering phones for a living???!?!?!" (Jerk!)
There was a slight symphony of chuckles, Mark wasn't at all offended. Long spoke again,
"Then we need to work, I know if we work hard, by the end of the year---" The guys seemed to drift off into conversation again, Long's face turned red with embarrassment and impatience, "Listen---!" But there was another interruption, this time by a much louder noise... the lunch bell had rung, and it was back to class time. The commotion of the crowd grew again, and the passing hustle and bustle discouraged any more of Long's announcements. Long turned and looked around as he saw his "friends" passing by, his mouth hung slightly open as he still had much, much more to say...
...Were these the people Long had so desperately been looking for? The bombastic eyes of Andrew stared as Long march off, a feeling of empathy enshrouded him as he perched on the table seat and watched Long walk off into the soft horizon..... discouraged...
I will go more into the "technical" methods for character development in the next post...
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Where is Inspiration?
Inspiration is the key element that makes us all jiggle with excitement and motivation to go out and be creative, but sometimes we don't know where to get it from, and sometimes we still need more inspiration even after we've started out work.... so where do you get yours?
Well I'm seriously asking anyone who reads this to tell me, but since this is a blog website I have to share a little about where I get mine....
I got a lot of inspiration before, during and after writing my novel and where did I get the necessary inspiration and motivation to continue working from?
After I started writing my novel I became bored and stopped for almost a month, and it wasn't till after I watched this video that I decided to keep going again: HERE , What is it? It's a story someone drew by her self, and it made me realize how lazy and how little I contribute to society. So I decided to get off my lazy.... chair... and start writing again....
Well what do you know, come time around again and I start to get lazy and lose interest in this book, even though lot's of people told me it was good, I still somehow lost inspiration and motivation... HERE , basically it's an anime series with almost no plot, but it has a lot of character development and as I watched I began to study the characters develop and I compared it to my story and I realized the methods of character development weren't so different and I decided to keep writing!
Well I needed some music while I write or else I get bored so here are a few tracks I listened to while writing. Now I should tell you that if you appreciate any of these awesome songs, you should support the composers by buying it... because how would you feel if people kept reading your book for free on the internet without your permission?... these song's will always be here until YouTube removes them for Copyright reasons or until the record label decides to put advertisements next to the video....
Keep in mind my song selection is very Anime/Nintendo Influenced....
For the SAD and SERIOUS parts:
Well I'm seriously asking anyone who reads this to tell me, but since this is a blog website I have to share a little about where I get mine....
I got a lot of inspiration before, during and after writing my novel and where did I get the necessary inspiration and motivation to continue working from?
After I started writing my novel I became bored and stopped for almost a month, and it wasn't till after I watched this video that I decided to keep going again: HERE , What is it? It's a story someone drew by her self, and it made me realize how lazy and how little I contribute to society. So I decided to get off my lazy.... chair... and start writing again....
Well what do you know, come time around again and I start to get lazy and lose interest in this book, even though lot's of people told me it was good, I still somehow lost inspiration and motivation... HERE , basically it's an anime series with almost no plot, but it has a lot of character development and as I watched I began to study the characters develop and I compared it to my story and I realized the methods of character development weren't so different and I decided to keep writing!
Well I needed some music while I write or else I get bored so here are a few tracks I listened to while writing. Now I should tell you that if you appreciate any of these awesome songs, you should support the composers by buying it... because how would you feel if people kept reading your book for free on the internet without your permission?... these song's will always be here until YouTube removes them for Copyright reasons or until the record label decides to put advertisements next to the video....
Keep in mind my song selection is very Anime/Nintendo Influenced....
For the SAD and SERIOUS parts:
Awkward Song (OfTheSeven) HERE
Kaiko HERE
Legend of Zelda Majoras Mask - Song Of Healing HERE
This is an Inspirational Poem I read about the Legend Of Zelda Majoras Mask...
Day to night, dark to light,
Fall the sands of time.
Let the years like the gears
Of a clock unwind
In your mind walk through time
Back to better days.
Memories, like a dream,
Wash your tears away.
Like a star in the sky darkness can't reach you.
Light the night, joy is light 'til the new dawn.
Cast away your old face
Full of gloom and spite.
With this mask I will ask
To borrow your light.
Day to night, dark to light,
Fall the sands of time.
This poem influenced the final chapters of my sad story....
For the Happy and Comical parts:Kaiko HERE
Legend of Zelda Majoras Mask - Song Of Healing HERE
This is an Inspirational Poem I read about the Legend Of Zelda Majoras Mask...
Day to night, dark to light,
Fall the sands of time.
Let the years like the gears
Of a clock unwind
In your mind walk through time
Back to better days.
Memories, like a dream,
Wash your tears away.
Like a star in the sky darkness can't reach you.
Light the night, joy is light 'til the new dawn.
Cast away your old face
Full of gloom and spite.
With this mask I will ask
To borrow your light.
Day to night, dark to light,
Fall the sands of time.
This poem influenced the final chapters of my sad story....
Hare Hare Yukai HERE and HERE
楽譜で少女綺想曲 (Piano Version) HERE
SSB Yoshi's Island HERE
ABUNAI SISTERS HERE
Scarlet Flandre Rough Time HERE
Hurricane Mixers HERE
Persona 3 intro HERE
Confidence HERE
Re Re HERE
USO HERE
楽譜で少女綺想曲 (Piano Version) HERE
SSB Yoshi's Island HERE
ABUNAI SISTERS HERE
Scarlet Flandre Rough Time HERE
Hurricane Mixers HERE
For the Epic and Cool moments:
07 Ghost Ending Theme HEREPersona 3 intro HERE
Confidence HERE
Re Re HERE
USO HERE
And just some songs for over all:
Super Mario Galaxy 2 End Credits HERE
Wii Wether Channel Music (Night Time) HERE
Legend of Zelda Wind Waker - Outset Island HERE
Super Smash Bros Brawl Flower Field HERE
Kaze no Kioku HERE
Wii Wether Channel Music (Night Time) HERE
Legend of Zelda Wind Waker - Outset Island HERE
Super Smash Bros Brawl Flower Field HERE
Kaze no Kioku HERE
Now nothing can compare to what I believe to be the greatest inspiration of all, nature.... going outside and just enjoying creation is such an awesome thing if you know how..... I think the reason Japan known as such a creative country is because it is tradition to set aside 30 minutes of their day just looking at nature and being silent, I believe that the sky, trees, ocean, and stars are the biggest inspirations for me.... I especially enjoy thinking of tropical islands such as in Wink Waker, or what it would be like if Mario Galaxy were real....
I hope these th9ings will only improve your writings....
- Andrew T.
I hope these th9ings will only improve your writings....
- Andrew T.
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